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Within Temptation: The heart of everything

27/03/07 || Lord K Philipson

I think Sharon Van Anus is one of the best names for a girl, ever. Especially if she’s fronting a band who are connected to the metal scene without actually being metal for fucken shit. I also think that Within Temptation went from a crappy band to a pretty goddamned catchy act with the last album, “The silent schwartz”.

I’m the first to admit that I, at times, get goosebumps from Sharon Van Anus’ vocals. I also get goosebumps (but this time in a very negative way) from her muthafucken hilariously awful “waving my arms in a very poetic manner that will state the fact that I’m so fucken one with our music” thing when they play live. I fucken hate to see these guys perform, they just look plain ridiculous with Sharon in her fucken dresses, the gay-dressed guys and whatnot. Luckily none of this can be seen while listening to their records, the booklets are a different penis though. But seriously, this band wouldn’t be fucken shit without said whore, arm-waving or no arm-waving. Within Temptation is all about Ms. Anus’ vocals.

This is easy listening de luxe with very simple guitars and nice keyboard choirs all over the place, sometimes used to the extent of being extremely irritating. They have their concept down though, that’s for sure. If you heard one tune with these cunts, you pretty much heard them all. If you like that one song you heard, you’ll like the rest, I’m sure.

I take a liking in Within Temptation. I think some of their stuff is downright excellent while some tunes are quite fucken boring and easily forgettable. It’s a 50/50 situation, really. That’s also the percentage of GD’s staff wanting to shag the bitch in the band, and I’m not talking about the bald guitarist.

“The heart of everything” is something I have waited for, but sadly enough it’s not as good as I thought it would be. After the first few listens I can’t find a new “Jillian”, for instance. The first single “What have you done” could be a really great tune if it wasn’t for the fucken cumstain Keith Capenis destroying pretty much the whole goddamned thing with his extremely annoying and forced vocals. A completely worthless move to include this man-tit, that’s for sure.

Alot of what’s heard on “The heart of everything” just feel like outtakes from the last album, pretty much stuff that they scrapped from that recording, if you will. It’s just basic Within Temptation, with no cream on top. “The heart of everything” is definitely a letdown to me.

There are some shining moments though… And none of them includes a photo of Sharon’s jugs in all their glory. Really. “Final destination” is probably the best track on the album. A tune where Sharon sounds a little different at times, much to my liking. That’s a great verse right there. “Our solemn hour”, together with the title track, ends up being 2 another nice efforts. More of those and Within Temptation would have stood their ground (yes, pun intended) a hella lot better than what they do now.

It doesn’t matter that you can actually spell “anus” out of the letters in one of the guitarist’s middlenames. Look for yourself. bitch.

It’s just too little, too fucken late.

Anus.

5,5 “Fuck off, Keith Caputo!”‘s out of 10.

Information
Released: 2007
Label: Roadrunner Records
Website: www.within-temptation.com
Band
Sharon Van Anus: vocals
Robert Westerholt: guitars
Ruud (Adri)anus Jolie: guitars
Jeroen Van Veen: bass
Martijn Spierenburg: keyboards
Stephen Van Haestregt: drums

Tracklist
01. The howling
02. What have you done
03. Frozen
04. The heart of everything
05. All I need
06. Our solemn hour
07. Hand of sorrow
08. The cross
09. Final destination
10. Forgiven
11. The truth beneath the rose

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